The Heart of the Matter

Anyone else into Simulation Theory?

Sun, 06 Sep 2020 15:38:32 GMT

I've got a new toy. It's a scatter script for DAZ Studio that uses algorithms to mimic the way nature distributes objects across a landscape. A walk in the woods reveals lots of artistically perfect clusters of plants, rocks, trees, etc. There are formulas for that, and this script uses them in a most wonderful way to distribute each item in the scene right down to the individual pebbles and blades of grass!

As if playing with this is not fun enough, the script also lets the user plug in real height maps drawn from the US Geological Survey. So the little rolling hills and various landscape features in this scene and the others that are forthcoming, are all taken from my local stomping grounds! :D

This scene is supposed to be of Galadriel and Celeborn taking a break. I think the mallorn with flets is their private treehouse. Most likely they come here every now and then to get away from the duties of ruling Lothlorien. I think Galadriel likes to fish for trout, but it is undignified for her to do this in "public." Of course she is making Celeborn row the boat ^_^; Meanwhile, Mt. Caradhras is looming darkly over the scene in the background like a portent of things to come.

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Frodo at Desk

Sun, 15 Dec 2019 07:07:50 GMT

A pretty good reflection of my own mood right now.

I'm currently working on some Yule hobbits. ^_^

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The "Riders of Rohan Phenomenon"

Sat, 19 Oct 2019 04:15:49 GMT

I'd like to slow down enough here to provide another terrific link given me recently by filkferengi . This article "gets" so much of why certain moments in certain fandoms move us so greatly. If anything, it's too short. I'd like to see it expanded.

https://www.tor.com/2019/10/08/getting-to-the-heart-of-sffs-most-tear-inducing-moments-the-riders-of-rohan-phenomenon/

The author is studying a certain potent effect she calls the "Riders of Rohan" phenomenon, but toward the end of the article she mentions something related which has always fascinated me-- the niche which sci fi and fantasy both provide to those who are 'other,' and the queer community in particular. I could go on and on about this, but I'll just say for now that for me, it's not only that 'someone showed up,' it's 'someone showed up who understands.' :)

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Beautiful F/S reunion comic now on Twitter!

Mon, 16 Sep 2019 20:53:21 GMT

filkferengi just brought this to my attention. It's absolutely beautiful and also true to canon-- at least as far West as the canon goes. Yes, there are kisses and a lot of happiness :) To start, scroll up to the top of the page. And take a look at the comments!

https://twitter.com/MollyOstertag/status/1168656685809823744

P.S. According to "The Shaping of Middle-Earth," one Valinor year is equal to ten years in Middle-Earth! :)

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"Visions of Tol Eressea"

Sun, 14 Jul 2019 21:14:46 GMT

Bryce seems to be the software I'm using most this summer. It has wonderful water shaders.

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"The Adventurers"

Thu, 20 Jun 2019 01:52:11 GMT

This image just sort of happened recently while I was playing with Bryce software. Bryce makes wonderful cliffs! :)

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'Onward' Trailer LOL :D

Mon, 10 Jun 2019 04:53:47 GMT

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Happy Easter to those who celebrate :)

Sun, 21 Apr 2019 16:01:21 GMT

Baby Brother has taken over from the Easter Bunny today :)

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"Spring"

Sat, 06 Apr 2019 13:37:49 GMT

Here's a glorious new short by the Blender Animation Studio. A single person did all modeling and shading. I recommend watching this fullscreen on YouTube. :)

Blender is completely free open-source CG software available at https://www.blender.org. It's fun to play with and its capabilities are rapidly catching up to the biggest commercial animation software packages.

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And the Winners Are... ;)

Fri, 15 Feb 2019 04:03:52 GMT

In modern Hobbiton, there are very few surviving depictions of its most legendary citizens, Frodo Baggins, Esq. and his esteemed gardener Sam Gamgee. This perfectly preserved watercolor miniature is therefore a rarity. It was discovered in a volume buried deep in the musty library at Michel Delving and depicts them receiving the Grand Prize for Horticulture, the Silver Shovel, at the 1417 county fair for their perfect primroses. This hardy flower, known by the locals as Baggins Beauty, can still be seen blooming in the shady lanes of Hobbiton today.

Happy Valentine's Day! ^_^

Excellent frame by Geverto on DeviantArt.

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"Land and Sea"

Sat, 02 Feb 2019 05:06:09 GMT

This goes with one of my fanfics, but works very well as a generic fantasy painting. I broke my mouse working on the waves yesterday and spent an hour this morning finding and installing an old wireless mouse to replace it! ^^;

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"Tater Tales" :)

Tue, 22 Jan 2019 16:56:54 GMT

Sam and his Gaffer are the salt of the earth, and they're harvesting spring taters! These golden nuggets were left in the ground the previous fall, and due to a warm winter they've grown huge! Now Frodo has come to join in the fun as Sam and his dad recite more esoteric tater lore than he could ever remember!

NOTE: I'm currently having an issue with my cousin's server. Almost all of my images are down on both blogs. The ones that are running have been saved to Dreamwidth's low-capacity image hosting service and won't be high-resolution, I'm afraid.

Hope Anton can get this sorted quickly :P

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'The Way to Valinor'

Sat, 12 Jan 2019 19:25:24 GMT

From my ongoing fic. Bilbo, Frodo and Sam view the shores of Valinor preparatory to embarking on a journey there.

Lately I've been encouraged to 'talk' more about why I make what I make. I certainly do like to talk, but frequently find myself in hot water when I do. I am extremely opinionated and those opinions are often outside the mainstream. Therefore I'll preface this by saying that this entry is not intended to cast any shade on anyone else's favorite Tolkien characters, scenes or viewpoints. Likewise, I'm not looking here for any arguments, rebuttals or agreement. This is just my personal opinion, based on my personal experience, and is intended to explain why I may seem to be such a 'one-trick pony,' doing essentially the same concepts over and over again.

In "Sauron Defeated," there is a section called "The Story Forseen from Kormallen." LOTR was in process of development, and this collection of notes contain some of the Professor's first impressions.

In his notes he writes "Sam and Frodo go into a green land by the sea?" with a question mark. In the same set of notes he writes: "When old, Sam and Frodo set sail to island of west." He also wrote "In old age Frodo with Sam had seen Galadriel and Bilbo."

The Professor's first instincts were to keep Frodo with Sam forever.

I've said previously that one of my jobs is as a scientific subject, and over the years I've had many interesting conversations with researchers. One of the fields scientists like to use me for is 'perception studies.' Invariably one of their instructions is for me to respond to the stimuli using my first impressions, because one's first impression is the most accurate.

I feel the Professor abandoned his own first impression regarding the fates of Frodo and Sam.

I also feel he wanted to write some kind of poignant ending scene-- so there is that. But I don't want to get too deeply into his philosophy, because that kind of abstract hair-splitting, removed from the immediate and urgent world of the heart, is where people-- even the Professor-- can most easily go wrong.

At any rate, it cannot be refuted that his first impression of the fate of Sam and Frodo was to keep them together, even when they finally sailed. I much prefer this version. Both my heart AND my head tell me it is indeed the most 'accurate.'

Here is where the going may get difficult or even incomprehensible for some. From the POV of a very queer female who has experienced being backstabbed by friends, family members, society at large and even her own country, the ending of LOTR as it stands today is a profound betrayal, an untruth in a fantasy phenomenal for its truths-- a failing to follow the heart. One would think I would have been able to deal with it-- it is fiction after all, and I'm pretty resilient emotionally-- but I was broadsided by it at a very vulnerable time in life. I felt so betrayed by the Professor-- and by the sheer evil ugliness of the human society which I sensed even then had somehow mandated that particular ending-- that even though I 'moved on,' I have never gotten over it. Now that same ending probably seems perfectly right to you, but to some people it can feel unbearably wrong.

Perhaps that was actually the Professor's intent, because he could be a sly one when he wanted to be, and in most of his writing (with a couple of grotesque exceptions which really stand out) his anticipation of our emotional reactions to his work seems dead-on.

Let me backtrack a little here to explain something about my view of Frodo and Sam. I am a queer girl with exceedingly high levels of testosterone, but it's the emotional intimacy of these characters which captivates me so. It is very unusual, outside of the great legends of the past. Label this pair however you like-- I don't think they themselves would understand the different categories modern humans place themselves into, as in all their actions they are so deeply innocent-- but they, more than any other storybook characters that I knew of at the time, possessed the heart-to-heart qualities I needed to reassure myself as a young girl in a cruel world.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say something amazing. The Tower rescue scene was responsible for my first-- completely spontaneous-- orgasm. No touching involved, it was simply all that love raining down around me. It came out of left field and almost knocked me out. Now that's some powerful writing!

* * *

I've been working on my own original science fiction story since 2010. In this story, a band of future colonists populate the western hemisphere of another world. Their sacred book is LOTR, which has changed with time like all legends do. On this alien planet there are many variants of the classic story-- I'm sure I would despise many of them!-- but one of the rarest and most beautiful is called the 'White Sails' edition. In this annotated version, the last half of the final chapter was replaced by the Professor's original notes, leaving a lot in question but keeping Sam with Frodo and relegating the 'official' ending to footnotes as an 'alternative take.'

I certainly won't see it in my lifetime, but I hope that someday there really will be something like a customized edition, sparing so many other young queer people the crushing heartbreak I experienced on reading that last chapter for the first time. But I know that on some level Tolkien also recognized the wrongness of it, because snuck into the little timeline at the back of the book, we see that Sam did eventually sail. Better yet, in the 'unpublished' epilogue Sam explains to Elanor that he can wait because he knows he'll see Frodo again someday, and he unabashedly compares his relationship with Frodo to that of Celeborn and Galadriel.

Exactly why was this material left unpublished? I fear I already know the reason. Even though (in the book) they're about as sexy as Pooh and Piglet, Sam and Frodo could still have been seen as being 'too close' at a time when authors could still get into trouble for portraying male-male affection.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if I learned that the ending, as it stands, might have been the 'last straw' for a few very unfortunate queer teens already betrayed by a world that wants to erase them. Stories can nourish. Stories can kill. I think the epilogue should be incorporated into all future editions as a failsafe.

As for me, I'm much older now, a little bit wiser, and have learned the hard way to anticipate betrayal where it is least expected. I'm not likely to be so caught off-guard again. Certainly I'll never again allow another person's story to worm its way into my heart so deeply. Meanwhile, my LOTR art and fics are my attempt to heal the wound that LOTR has left in me. In my fantasies Sam and Frodo experience no more pain or heartache, get every reward they so richly deserve, and encounter endless new adventures-- together.

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"The Fire Tree"

Sun, 06 Jan 2019 04:26:08 GMT

From the 'ending' of my fic-in-progress (if I ever get there!) ^^;

This scene looks strange and maybe frightening, but there's precedent and it has a good ending!( Read more... )

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First illo with Genesis Frodo :)

Mon, 03 Dec 2018 21:38:03 GMT

I was restless for reasons I will write about later, so I worked on this one overnight. Post-Quest Frodo and his pony from Rohan, "Strider." :)

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NSFW-- G-Rated Nudity-- Genesis Frodo! -- Character Upgrade! :)

Sun, 02 Dec 2018 22:01:50 GMT

In CG Hobby World, there are some basic human figures most everybody starts out with. The DAZ Millennium figures were released around 1999. Victoria 4 arrived way back in 2006 and is the figure I have been using for Frodo for years now.

Time has gone by and technology continues to improve. While the fourth generation figures are still perfect for a lot of applications, DAZ is now up to Victoria 8. I prefer the 5th generation, also called Genesis.

When the Genesis figure came onto the scene in 2011, a lot of things changed. For one, Genesis is neither male nor female-- it can be made into both, eliminating the need for special clothing fits, etc, which can otherwise consume a whole lot of time. It also has an auto-fit feature to make any previous generation of clothing fit on it perfectly. But to me, the best part about Genesis is the weight mapping. Weight mapping means the way the bones and mesh move. I was delighted with my 'Beautiful Bends' generation 4 Frodo, but the BB figures require dozens if not hundreds of mesh DFormers, which take up gigabytes of memory that is needed for other things. Genesis uses no DFormers. Instead it has a different kind of weight mapping which makes the figure bend so much better than any of its predecessors.

Now I have been using Genesis since 2013, but in 2015 I switched to the Carrara 3D software. Carrara does support the Genesis figure, but often does better with Generation 4. I designed my LOTR characters all in Carrara on that generation.

Later, having switched back to DAZ Studio after it had a major upgrade, I had no way to precisely transfer my generation 4 characters forward onto Genesis. There is a utility called GenX2 for this purpose, but it was way too expensive-- close to $40-- so I was stuck for what seemed like the longest time with generation 4 and its less-than-ideal bending/twisting/posing. Until last week, when DAZ started its big holiday super sale and the price for GenX2 dropped suddenly into the single digits! :D :D :D

Transferring V4 Frodo forward through time was still a big deal and it has taken me since Friday night to do it. I had to export my figure, mark the morphs I wanted to keep (out of hundreds) then load everything into GenX2 and do the conversion to Genesis. After this, I had to switch the UV maps in order to use the original skins and completely repaint some accessory parts. Then I had to fit Frodo's original Michael 4 clothes to the figure, but this took only seconds with auto fit and I got a much better fit on Genesis than I ever have gotten with trying to fit those clothes directly to Victoria 4! ^^;

More samples below the cut.

( See More... )

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Carl Siciliano's Thanksgiving Message

Thu, 22 Nov 2018 15:17:12 GMT

This is the founder of the Ali Forney Center, which is the largest LGBT community center in the US. Its specialty is helping homeless gay kids who are living on the streets to find housing, mental health treatment, etc. The numbers of kids thrown out of their own homes each year for just being a little bit different is staggering, almost unbelievable. I am thankful every day that I have a good mother who would have never, ever disowned me.

Here's the link to the article on joemygod.com.

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Tomorrow's the Big Day!

Tue, 06 Nov 2018 04:37:48 GMT

Hang onto your hats.

In our state everyone has mail-in ballots. Mom & I voted almost two weeks ago. We will have Rachel & co. on MSNBC much of the day tomorrow. We'll also be busy harvesting, blanching & freezing beet greens. The weather's turning colder here and since we're in the mountains it can freeze without warning. Don't want to lose those greens! :)

Fervently hoping for a Blue Tsunami! :)

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"Confidante"

Sun, 28 Oct 2018 14:31:08 GMT

Everyone knows, of course, that Sam is much more than just the Bag End gardener. He is the friend, helper, hero and confidante who the Bagginses can trust with their deepest problems and secrets. (Well, most of the time, anyway...) ^^;

So what is it this time? Is Frodo confessing that he ate all the scones Bilbo just made for a birthday party? That he can't make heads nor tails of the strange book he just found at a rummage sale? Has he just come back from a visit to the Woody End, where he's fallen in love with an elf?? ;D Or is he just saying he suspects Sam's been into the beer barrel again?

You decide what grand secret poor, patient Sam has to keep next!

Foot hair and hobbity attributes are kept to a minimum here to make this digital painting a more versatile part of my portfolio. But you and I know what inspired this :)

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"Seduction of the Ring"

Sun, 07 Oct 2018 16:29:26 GMT

Inspired by recent politics, of course. If ever there was a real-life lesson about the lure and abuse of power, we're living it now.

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Draping dynamic clothing in DAZ Studio. :)

Wed, 29 Aug 2018 15:11:34 GMT

This video uses one of my 'Angel' figures to show, step-by-step, how cloth is draped in DAZ Studio. I managed to make this look more tedious than it is-- it's really a lot of fun!

For best effect I suggest watching this fullscreen on YouTube. Otherwise you won't be able to see some of the details.

A big shout-out to the newest version of OpenShot. If you need software to put together your own videos, this is a fantastic free editor and very easy to use! :D The music's by www.bensound.com, which has dozens of free audio clips you can use on your own projects.

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In Dreams...

Tue, 21 Aug 2018 03:33:11 GMT

This morning, before I got into making a batch of blueberry jam, I finished another artwork, which I'll post here shortly. :)

Last night I had several strange dreams. Two of them actually made sense and were story-worthy, but I'll only relate one here. It featured Bag End and young Frodo and Sam, soon after Bilbo's departure, on a very blustery autumn evening when the wind outside had begun to howl and chug through the sky like a hurricane. Evil spirits were abroad in the night. The hobbits cowered in Bag End through the dark hours, feeling like something horrible had invaded the house, and early in the morning both dreamed (dreams within dreams!) of a horrible ragged spirit army being pursued wildly through the heavens by golden riders on golden horses sent by Urwendi, the Sun Goddess.

Several spooky incidents featuring long dark hallways and cellar doors eventually reinforced to our heroes that something had, in fact, invaded the house, and Frodo stayed the next night at Number 3 Bagshot Row! (My theory is that the Ring attracted something like a Barrow-Wight.) But in the end, who turned out to be the hero of the story but our good old Gaffer? :D Armed with his walking-stick, he led a small army of hobbits into Bag End and frightened off the invading spirit with the sheer force of his ornery personality!

LOL I will Definitely work this one into a fanfic. :)

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Theo Jansen's 'Strandbeests' :)

Wed, 15 Aug 2018 02:00:44 GMT

If Professor Tolkien had been a physicist and engineer, he might have come up with creatures like these. :)

Jansen's TED talk is also charming, and reveals that his creations are even more sophisticated than they appear!

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Got a better link to the Thailand cave rescue

Mon, 09 Jul 2018 00:34:39 GMT

The link I previously supplied seems inactive now. This one is current.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-07-09/thailand-cave-rescue-operation-in-second-day-live-blog/9956096

Four kids made it out yesterday. Let's hope for more soon!

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Thailand Cave Rescue Live Newsfeed

Fri, 06 Jul 2018 17:26:37 GMT

We've been very anxious here all week about the Thai kids' soccer team trapped deep under a mountain in a huge flooded cave. It's the stuff of nightmares, and time is running out for them because the monsoon rains are coming. People have arrived from all over the world to try to save them. Even Elon Musk has offered to help. This is an extremely scary situation, but there is still hope. There's a good newsfeed here:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2018/jul/06/thailand-cave-rescue-looming-rain-clouds-could-force-quick-rescue-decision-live

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The Heart of the Matter

Anyone else into Simulation Theory?

Frodo at Desk

The "Riders of Rohan Phenomenon"

Beautiful F/S reunion comic now on Twitter!

"Visions of Tol Eressea"

"The Adventurers"

'Onward' Trailer LOL :D

Happy Easter to those who celebrate :)

"Spring"

And the Winners Are... ;)

"Land and Sea"

"Tater Tales" :)

'The Way to Valinor'

"The Fire Tree"

First illo with Genesis Frodo :)

NSFW-- G-Rated Nudity-- *Genesis Frodo!* -- Character Upgrade! :)

Carl Siciliano's Thanksgiving Message

Tomorrow's the Big Day!

"Confidante"

"Seduction of the Ring"

Draping dynamic clothing in DAZ Studio. :)

In Dreams...

Theo Jansen's 'Strandbeests' :)

Got a better link to the Thailand cave rescue

Thailand Cave Rescue Live Newsfeed

NSFW-- G-Rated Nudity-- Genesis Frodo! -- Character Upgrade! :)